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Post by jody on Oct 12, 2012 12:34:21 GMT 10
Buzz we discussed this on chit chat....if it were me I would want to know but I think would want to be told by the woman. Like I said, I know about this happening to a family member but it isn't up to me to tell him. Is it going to crush this man? If yes then perhaps he is best to be allowed to keep thinking the child is his. He has after all reared it. There is more to being a father than providing the semen. In fact the semen providers are sometimes not fit to be the father.
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Post by jody on Oct 12, 2012 13:16:19 GMT 10
Buzz....if a lot of people are going to get hurt, you shouldn't say anything
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Post by jody on Oct 12, 2012 14:17:16 GMT 10
Buzz to be honest i think you are wanting an answer that says "yes...go tell the person all about it"!
This situation isn't affecting you personally is it? Is it worth hurting a lot of people including an innocent child, just so you can get it off your chest?
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Post by volk on Oct 12, 2012 17:40:08 GMT 10
Buzzock, sometimes we have knowledge of others that eats away inside, that we feel we must tell people so "the truth can come out". But in doing so it may cause pain to someone, perhaps to many. It's times like that you've got to ask yourself is it your place to be the "messenger"? Sometimes you have to walk away from a situation and keep the knowledge to yourself, to keep the pain from others. It's those times you just have to accept it's nobody's business but theirs, no matter how much it eats away inside you.
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Post by jody on Oct 12, 2012 18:32:38 GMT 10
It takes more courage to say nothing.
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Post by Salem on Oct 12, 2012 20:33:14 GMT 10
I personally believe you should tell them the truth.
By not doing so, you are destroying lives. The biological father who won't be there as a father, spending time with his child growing up. You rob the bio father of their parental rights, to rear and spend time with their child.
You rob the CHILD of their father. You rob them of those his/her childhood spent with their dad, thats something a child can never get back when if ever, they find out the truth. I know that if it were me, the baby, and I found out as adult you knew all along, I'd hate you for ruining my life. I'd never forgive you, or the mother (if she passed off some other man as my father when she knew).
By telling the truth, it takes more courage than just sitting back, and by virtue of your decision, robbing that child and ruining their life. Staying quiet is the easy cowardly way. Telling the truth, risking people being mad at you is hard but worth it in the long run because you are taking one for the child. A child where possible always has the right to know their father. No one should be complicit in such betrayal, in destroying a child's like. No one has the right to. You being silent are complicit in robbing this child and ruining their life/relationship with a parent. You have a duty to tell. If this story is real, I URGE you to tell. What is the right thing to do? Sit quiet while watching a child living a lie? Just because you are too cowardly to do the right thing, for the sake of peace? But not able to live/sleep peacefully with that decision? Or take the hit but knowing you are doing the right thing for the child? Buzz, look, you HAVE to tell. To withhold that information from a child is evil imo. Lets also no go into things like possible blood transfusions, donor etc. You really have to tell. You really do.
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Post by volk on Oct 13, 2012 6:49:12 GMT 10
Salem that is how I see it. the biological father - the married man - my former friend - could not care less because he is a heartless swine. He is the sperm donor while on a family holiday, with his wife and children. The lies have impacted to many lives and can do so much damage for generations. If I were one of the people I would want to know - but not everyone agrees. Buzzock, there's no easy answer, someone's going to be hurt no matter which way you go. It's a 50/50 call mate - there are no half measures - either you reveal the knowledge you have or you walk away. I was brought up to believe you don't go poking your beak into other people's lives, no matter what you may know. Once you tell people what you know and start the ball rolling there's no turning back, where the end result may not be what you expected or had hoped for. It may well blow up in your face old mate. It can very well be that discretion is the better part of valour in this case; keeping a secret to yourself to save the pain of others is not a cowardly act, no matter how your interpret it!
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Post by spindrift on Oct 13, 2012 7:49:21 GMT 10
Be assured Mr Buzzo if you do interfere with these peoples lives...they will condemn you more than anyone else concerned....you will end up being the scumbag they hate.
Say nothing...not your business...plead ignorance..
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Post by jody on Oct 13, 2012 8:10:01 GMT 10
Take the advice of the majority Buzz.
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Post by sonex on Oct 13, 2012 9:46:35 GMT 10
How do you absolutely know the truth of this situation, if the man who claims to be the biological father is a psychopath, you obviously cannot believe anything he says.
Do you know the dates when this woman started the relationship with the other guy? Can you determine from the first date whether the baby was full term? Is it possible that the mother is not even sure which man is the father.
The best interests of the child are paramount, not your conscience.
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Post by jody on Oct 13, 2012 10:20:04 GMT 10
agree completely with Sonex.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2012 10:59:10 GMT 10
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Post by jody on Oct 13, 2012 14:35:45 GMT 10
Buzz...you are going to hurt people.....just leave it be. In all honesty it is none of your business.
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