Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
SEX
Apr 7, 2013 21:48:30 GMT 10
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2013 21:48:30 GMT 10
Why you probably suck at sexBy Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist | 6:50PM - Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013IT'S the church’s fault. All those icepicks of Puritanism and daggers of sin stabbing at your pleasure center, endless guilt and shame directed at your own body, the endlessly cruel idea that ecstasy, soft moaning and a hot rush of blood to the netherparts are all surefire signs of the devil, when of course they are the exact opposite.
Maybe it’s your mom’s fault? Or your school’s? Too many lame-ass boyfriends, maybe a cold and sexless wife? Someone somewhere misleading you via bland, guilt-addled example into thinking sex is something to be feared, or dreaded, or used as a weapon, or (even worse) merely tolerated, endured as a grating necessity, something only guys want and women suffer through to lure some sap into putting a ring on it. Wrong. Oh so very, historically wrong.
It’s porn’s fault! Way too much of it, way too easily accessible, most of it far too crass, desensitizing and grossly explicit, even violent, not to mention setting up all sorts of grotesque falsehoods about how each dumbed-down, pneumatically enhanced gender is supposed to look and behave and squeal.
Do you know the first piece of advice given by any sex-savvy doc to numbed-out guys who complain they can’t perform in bed anymore, who can’t get turned on by “real” women? Back off the porn. Let your batteries recharge and your numb imagination spark back to life. For timid or anorgasmic females? The reverse. Try watching something hot, get some toys, experiment, discover new and erotic worlds your mom never dreamed of. I mean, obviously.
But really now. Blaming porn for all the bad sex in the culture today? That’s a little too easy. And besides, good porn can be wildly, deliriously hot, even instructive and helpful. And modern women have more options for good smut that suits their tastes than ever.
What about the media? Pop culture? Sexist hip-hop thugs and reality TV douchebags? That makes more sense; endless are the messages about getting drunk and getting laid, entire Jersey Shore-esque worlds of shallow, mechanical “hooking up,” a quick slam in the bathroom at TGI Friday’s after five too many margaritas followed by stumbling home to pass out, not remembering where you left your underwear or your IUD or your dignity.Not like this.What do you think? All valid causes of the plague? The epidemic currently afflicting the culture?
And oh, a plague it very much is. Have you heard? The “hookup generation” sucks at sex. More than just meaningless, more than just dumb, more than just too fast or too drunk, sex among Generation Facebook is just… boring.
But don’t just take it from me. There’s a new, fast little book (smartly reviewed over at the Atlantic) just out by noted religion and sexuality professor Donna Freitas, called The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy (whew), which examines the trend closely. Freitas’ findings dovetail perfectly with what you see in HBO’s Girls and what you read in GQ and Cosmo and what you hear from genders and couples from here to whatever they have in Florida.
In short, Freitas’ book argues that sex among the hookup (read: college) generation is just sort of awful. Nobody flirts, nobody romances, nobody cares about quality or skill or understanding the nuances and deep thrums of the opposite sex. It’s all just fast, drunk and soulless (and lonely), lacking anything resembling authentic human connection. Hey, it’s sex in college. Enlightened females and skillful males? Forget about it.
Who knows what demons and trends are to blame for the nasty trend? Feminism, at least as far as good sex goes, has failed young women, because all that wonderful “empowerment” means young women are now merely acting just as grossly predatory as clueless frat guys. And why not? Where are their smart, sex-positive role models? Who else should they emulate for sexual freedom and wanton pleasure, Beyoncé? Taylor Swift? Lena Dunham? Please.
It’s no better for the males. The “new masculinity” tells men they’re no longer supposed to lead, to wine and dine, to show strength, or to wear anything but a grungy hoodie and an idiotic baseball hat to a party. Forget crusty notions of chivalry and romance; empowered women don’t want to be led or “taken,” and men have forgotten how anyway.
Meanwhile, here comes 50 Shades of Grey to explode everyone’s uptight myth. Guess what? Turns out all those empowered females secretly want to be ravished and all those emasculated males need to learn advanced bondage techniques, and to teach their lady how to properly accept a foxtail butt plug while she polishes his, um, Aston Martin. Got it.
Let us not get carried away. There are tremendous resources available to eager, smart students of sex these days, more than ever before, all sorts of wonderful books, workshops, erotic blogs, videos, columnists, iPhone apps (ahem) even music and culture to train the modern, sexually charged lover in the ways of Eros.
What’s more, as Freitas surely knows, bad, boring sex isn’t confined to drunk college pups. Far from it. Behold Anne Lamott’s sweet little essay over on Salon about her experience dating on Match.com for a year, about how, at 58, she doesn’t need or care much for sex anymore and how, by her lifetime calculation, sex has only meant she’s “waited approximately 1736 hours for the man to finish” and she now “wants a refund.”
Ha. Isn’t that cute? I like Anne a lot, her writing is charming, in a Nora Ephron-lite sort of way. But sweet Jesus with a strap-on, if “waiting for the man to finish” rings true for Lamott’s generation and makes all the bored, sexually inept housewives of America chortle, I have news: You’re doing it wrong. And so is he. And maybe you always have.More like this.So where does this leave us? Hardcore porn and pop culture chyme have battled it out with idiotic, Bush-era abstinence education and Puritanical shame, coupled to zero advancements in any truly forward-thinking, sex-positive education, and voila, another entire generation that’s a lousy lay, has no dexterity with deeper connection, is largely clueless in the ways of true love. Fantastic.
Can you teach reverence? Can you discover for yourself a sort of gasping, soul-level awe and wonder at the joys and vagaries of the body, the smells and tastes of the opposite (or same) sex, how the divine masculine and divine feminine naturally intertwine in endless rapturous and erotic delight? Can you learn how to properly revere the clitoris and worship the masculine throb, indulge in wild technique and pulse and skin-tingling skill? Hell yes, you can.
But it sure ain’t in the Bible (OK, maybe Song of Solomon). Pop culture largely gets it wrong. Ditto most of feminism. GQ and porn are too lopsided, as are Cosmo and Elle and Girls and even silly candy like Sex and the City.
After all, when all you’re fed is junk food and Red Bull, who will teach you about duck confit and single malt? When all you have is a blunt sexual hammer, everyone just gets nailed.• • Mark Morford on Twitter and Facebook.blog.sfgate.com/morford/2013/04/02/why-you-probably-suck-at-sex
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 7, 2013 22:33:25 GMT 10
Post by caskur on Apr 7, 2013 22:33:25 GMT 10
Sex causes pregnancy... pregnancy can lead to death...
the church has FA to do with it!.
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 8, 2013 0:11:21 GMT 10
Post by Salem on Apr 8, 2013 0:11:21 GMT 10
KTJ is SO HORNY over Mark Morford its uncomfortable to observe.
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 8, 2013 9:09:45 GMT 10
Post by caskur on Apr 8, 2013 9:09:45 GMT 10
that last gif is so gorgeous!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
SEX
Apr 8, 2013 10:41:37 GMT 10
Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 10:41:37 GMT 10
Sex has become a commodity that isn't forming good relationships with the young hedonistic, perhaps I am getting old I find it a strange world now....
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 8, 2013 10:47:09 GMT 10
Post by Occam's Spork on Apr 8, 2013 10:47:09 GMT 10
Sex causes pregnancy... pregnancy can lead to death... the church has FA to do with it!. Conception is the number 1 cause of death. If you didn't want to die, you shouldn't have participated.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
SEX
Apr 8, 2013 13:34:44 GMT 10
Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 13:34:44 GMT 10
The rubbing of navels causes navel cancer .... do it doggy style..
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 9, 2013 8:59:07 GMT 10
Post by caskur on Apr 9, 2013 8:59:07 GMT 10
Sex causes pregnancy... pregnancy can lead to death... the church has FA to do with it!. Conception is the number 1 cause of death. If you didn't want to die, you shouldn't have participated. why do you say this?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
SEX
Apr 10, 2013 18:33:19 GMT 10
Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2013 18:33:19 GMT 10
Bubblegum and the Date Rape CocktailBy Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist | 3:57PM - Tuesday, April 9th, 2013PANIC! Fainting! Pearls-clutching galore among the easily terrified and the never-orgasmic as it was announced that a federal judge just spanked the Obama Administration — Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sibelius in particular — for being so surprisingly backasswards when it comes to emergency contraception for women.Now available in Walmart gumball machines. You know, for the kids.Did you hear? After years and ridiculous politicking and inexplicable delays, a federal judge just ordered Sibelius’ FDA to finally allow emergency contraception (Plan B, et al) to be made available over the counter for women and girls of all ages.
It’s true. And it’s sort of a big deal. Barring an appeal, girls under 17 can soon get emergency contraception without a prescription, without their parent’s permission, without any sort of pinched howling from the religious right who would far prefer to snuff out all young women for daring to have an active uterus in the first place.
It must be hereby noted: The stuffy FDA first recommended such contraception be made available over-the-counter to all ages back in 2011, years after such drugs have been proven safe, years after they’ve been readily available to women in smarter countries all over the world. Women’s groups in the U.S. have been clamoring for easy availability for over a decade; but, being America, the PTB fretted and delayed due almost exclusively to the flat-out ignorance and hysteria of the religious right.
Finally, along came Brooklyn judge Edward Korman, who ruled in favor of unrestricted access, because he clearly wants more 11-year-old girls to have irresponsible sex, doesn’t give a damn for teen health or morality, and wants lots of teens to contract STDs during drunken date-rape parties during which they watch “Teen Mom” marathons and huff glue. He’s also a probably a closet pedophile.
Or, you know, maybe not. Maybe none of those things is the slightest bit true and Korman is actually a highly intelligent Reagan appointee who, based on his two decisions on the matter, has studied the case thoroughly and found zero moral or legal justification for Sibelius to block such safe drugs from being made immediately available to all ages. Sort of amazing, really.
Can you guess the immediate reaction? Can you guess the sort of reply Korman’s piercing decision prompted from right-wing anti-choice groups?
I bet you can’t. I bet you can’t even come close to conjuring such a pitch-perfect line as uttered by one Karen Brauer, president of something called Pharmacists for Life, which I’m guessing is basically three very unhappy humans living in a barn somewhere in Ohio who never see sunlight, feel joy or suck wine from a lover’s tongue.
“When these [drugs] are right out there with the bubble gum, they’re going to be part of the date rape cocktail,” Brauer actually said, aloud, with a straight face, as lightning did not strike her dead on the spot.Date Rape Cocktail: One part fantasy, one part politics, two parts religious/sexual hysteria, splash of media whoring. Shake well. Ignite.Isn’t that fantastic? Isn’t that just the sort of perfectly dumb, weirdly fantasy-projecting sort of statement you’ve come to expect from fundamentalist Christians who understand sexuality about as well as littleneck clams understand quantum physics?
But wait! Not so fast, snarky pro-sex columnist. Before we get too cocky, we must remember, it was Obama who supported Sibelius’ widely panned decision to override her own agency’s recommendation in 2011, and it was Obama himself who first uttered something about Plan B being sold in the vicinity of bubblegum. Stupidly.
And while it took a goofball of Brauer’s caliber to add the part about date rape, we must remember, the judge specifically scolded Sibelius — not the religious right — for messing with women’s rights for obvious and foul political reasons.
This much we know: Sibelius’ decision came about a year before the 2012 election, so it seems obvious Obama was trying to deprive the competition of an easy weapon. By all accounts, it was a decidedly cowardly choice, given O’s otherwise relatively stellar track record WRT women’s rights.
Meanwhile! Shooting straight through Camp Obama and all anti-sex, right-wing, alarmist parents’ groups comes a small but shocking blast of factual awesomeness that merely proves just how politically motivated and/or sexually pathetic both groups really are.WARNING: Do not use bubble gum for emergency contraception. Unless it’s Juicy Fruit.Remember all the hysteria about Generation Facebook having riskier and more frequent sex at younger and younger ages? All the panic that 12-year-olds are making homemade porn on their iPhones and SnapChatting photos of their genitals to each other in the mall?
A lie. A myth. Inane, world-class sensationalism. Just as you suspected.
“We are seeing teens waiting longer to have sex, using contraceptives more frequently when they start having sex, and being less likely to become pregnant than their peers of past decades.”
Did you catch all that? That’s a quote from one Lawrence Finer, lead author of a new study just published in the May issue of the journal Pediatrics, which basically declares that most alarmist beliefs about modern teen sex are essentially full of crap. To reiterate: On the whole, teens in every age bracket are using more protection, being more careful, having sex less than anytime since around 1990, and getting pregnant less frequently. I blame the Internet.
What to make of it all? For once, an (older, white, Republican, male) judge rightly stepped in and slapped everyone’s bullshit upside the head, and suddenly young girls don’t have to panic that their parents will kill them or their boyfriends will beat them (or vice versa) if they need emergency contraception — which, by the way, they are actually less likely to need than the generation (that’s you, probably) that came before them.
Obama was wrong (and cowardly), Sibelius was wrong, the anti-choicers are wrong (again), women are hereby freshly empowered (despite ongoing hateswamps like Alabama), and teens are doing it right far more than than anyone knew. Weird world, no?• • Mark Morford on Twitter and Facebook.blog.sfgate.com/morford/2013/04/09/bubblegum-and-the-date-rape-cocktail
|
|
|
SEX
Apr 11, 2013 23:13:22 GMT 10
Post by caskur on Apr 11, 2013 23:13:22 GMT 10
Actually... it not a myth... young kids, under aged kids are indeed showing their naked bodies willingly to internet strangers.
|
|